What I write in this post is meant tongue-in-cheek, and should not be taken too seriously. It’s about my attempt to buy something I really want, and about my repeated failures to get it. Lately I’ve been thinking and writing about deemphasizing possessions, but this thing I want to buy is part of hoping to spend more time exploring an interest or passion or hobby.
I want to buy a used, entry level DSLR camera, and I have a specific make/model/kit in mind. I also have a specific amount of money I can afford to spend (meaning, very little, relatively speaking, roughly US $250). Even the amount of money I hope to spend feels like way too much for a guy who has many expenses and very little extra for niceties. This camera, though, is something that would allow me to grow in doing something I really enjoy, which is nature photography.
And yet, I feel so guilty about it. Like, it is selfish to want something that really isn’t necessary and is a luxury.
Also, so far, I have come up empty in finding one for the right price. The two places I’ve looked are Craigslist and eBay, although I’ve also looked at some standard, well-regarded online stores that specialize in photography and offer used equipment. It seems like I’m always too late to get the deal, or, especially when it comes to eBay, I get pipped at the very end of bidding because I’m unwilling to go over a certain amount. Everything costs too much!
As is commonly said these days, this is such a first world problem. Around us, people are homeless, jobless, hungry, dying, suffering. So forgive this little whinyness about a silly camera. I’ve spent a long time researching, investigating, trying to find one for the right price, trying to justify spending the money, and for what?
My blatant lack of success in getting this camera has forced me to think more carefully about why I want what I want sometimes. And about self discipline, patience, consideration of others (my wife is not that supportive of spending this money and I want to respect her wishes), and whether this pursuit is trying to make me happy just by buying another possession that won’t in the end really make me happy after all. To fill a need that can’t be filled by a possession, yet again.
Such mixed feelings.